I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
