hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
