Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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