Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
