Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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