There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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