Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
