I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
