wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
