He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
