Me too!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
