it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
