Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
