I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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