ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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