There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
