I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
