Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
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