There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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