i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
