explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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