I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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