This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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