im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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