you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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