I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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