I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
