it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
