hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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