WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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