The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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