You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Your penis caused this!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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