How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
