You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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