At least make sure they are 18
Why
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
