Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
