I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
