my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
