Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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