We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
