32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
