it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
