dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
