My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
