The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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