i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
