dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
