you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
