Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
