I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We're too hungover to prance.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
