you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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