In the future we'll all be gay
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
