So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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