your thong is hanging out like whoa
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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