She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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