watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no you cant smoke seaweed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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