Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i would punch a child for taco bell
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
