I like to think it a success when the cops are called
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
