How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
