My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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