Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
