and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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