need another drink. this is the easiest way
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
