oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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