I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
