last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
