no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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