She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
