He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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