Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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