Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
