If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
